Sundays....

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.... Sunday Evening.  The double edged sword that is Sunday Evening.....

Life sure has changed. Or did I change... Nope, life has changed.  I am glad in so many ways, and in some I am sorry a bit too.  People who were once my foundation are separated.  People who were once my friends, are no longer... at least in the 'active sense'... and that is fine.  It is about 'readjusting'.  Now, let me tell you, that I have a harder time 'readjusting' than I ever thought I would.  Is it that I am getting older?  More set in my ways?  Just plan stubborn, or (Heaven forbid) a Control Freak??  Probably all of those things.
Or maybe it is God, The Universe or my Personal Heavenly Friends just pushing me to look at life in a different way.  Either way, it has been hard.  All that being said, all this drama has opened my life up to so many things that I would have never, otherwise known.  People, other kinds of artwork, learning to do things that I never know even existed....  I would have never guessed that I would have Milk Emergencies!  But owning a coffee shop comes with a whole new set of concerns and issues..... And I thought building house was hard... Ha! 
I think all this is a part of my grand life lesson.  But am I learning it??  Sometimes I am just not sure.  I ask for things... put them out into the air and then when they come to me, it is at the wrong time or I 'can't' seem to make it work out.  I apologize to the 'Powers' frequently... hoping that they don't think I am not grateful or that I don't recognize the gifts and opportunities they are showing me.  I am grateful. 
I find myself telling my customers to 'go for it', 'leave fear behind'... but do I?  Not so much.  How is it so different when I have to do it? 
This blog is something that I have always wanted to do.  I am happy to be posting this note, actually.  It helps me to write things down... I only hope that my ramblings and inner heart fears and wishes don't bore the few who may read them.  Time is precious and I don't ever want to waste anyone's time, after all.  I just like to share how I feel, hoping that someone might be climbing the same mountain I am... just in another place.  I like to think of it as other people wishing on the same star that I do every night.
Changes..... I want more, I want more that I can feel good about embracing. 
Here is a list of the changes that I am looking forward to enjoying.... I hope not at the expense of anyone else and in hopes that the people who know me will be happy with me... and not sad.
* I want to live where I can see a mountain
* I can't wait to see my artwork hanging in a gallery in a foreign country
* I want to sleep under a blanket of stars and listen to the wolves howl in the night
* I want to hold Chris's hand forever
* I would love to live in Norway or Denmark for one year. 
* I pray that my Mom and Dad are happy... even though they are on such a difficult patch. 
* I want to experience new places, people, sights, sounds, smells and everything else... I love my hometown, but don't want to die here.... the world is big and I want to be a part of all corners of it.  I WANT TO BE A VERB.... and be that VERB in lots of different places.
* I want to keep Learning... every single day
* I can't wait to surprise everyone someday with a song I can play on my guitar... the singing is easy, it is the guitar part  I have to learn
* I want to put a license plate on my Jeep from Colorado, Oregon, Washington or California... and have a little convertible with a Florida Plate
* I hope someday to not be able remember when the last time I cried... for a sad reason.... 

I am actively working on this list..... the biggest challenge is accepting the open doors that are put in front of me.... because it is best for me.
In the end, it is about valuing SELF, not worrying about other's paths....as those paths are their own and not mine and my actions really have no impact on their path.... not really anyway...

So.... now you are up to date on the thoughts in my head for this lovely September Sunday evening.  Tomorrow morning 4:30 will come too soon....

Like I said... a double edged sword.

xoxo

Julie