Taking the Leap

Well....here we sit at Denver Airport thinking... talking... figuring and doing the math.  Our question, "how do we figure out a way to live here?"

This is common for us... we have been planning the move for ever it seems, and yet we board the plane with a sigh at the end of every trip.

Now, this isn't to say that we don't love our home, friends and Lake Villa, because we do. We are just ready for a new adventure.  Is that bad?? No.  Then why is it so hard to make the leap? 

Fear is personal and public enemy #1, as far as I am concerned...and I have it.  I believe Chris does too.

I am fearless when talking to other people.... I am very convincing. ..but when it comes  to us....not so much.
All these thoughts swirl around in my head.  Why don't we just go?

You know I have always just done what I have always done
Because that is what I did.  When I quit working for my Dad, it was for many reasons....there wasn't a lot to do, survival, I hated that my Mom wasn't there anymore. Everything was foreign there...sad...But then I started the coffee shop and it was better....  I had my own thing, and put some distance between me and the crazy was that became my Dad and his new life.  **I love my Dad... just dont want to watch everything he does **..

Anyway, that is how the shop came to be.  I am proud of it....just need a change. Why does that feel funny? Guilt ridden, really.

I feel like there is more out there.... things I can only dream about, new things to look at and new people to connect with...art to see...maybe a book to write even!  I am in need of inspiration.... who am I trying to convince anyway??  Maybe it feels like a betrayal. It feels like I am not thankful....oh I am and I tell God every time I think about it, which is often.  Often.... I am so blessed to have done what I have.

My brother David was at my shop once.... he looked at me and said, "you are too big for this little town, Julie".  Wow... I didn't know where to file that... I was flattered. I love that guy.  I haven't stopped thinking about it since he said it....  once my professor told me I "had it".  He looked  into my eyes when he said it...yikes!  "You have what it takes to make it Julie".  I was so scared when he said it. Why???? I loved that he liked my art.  I love my art.... but I feel like I am on the brink of something.... and just can't see it....  hence the need for a kick in the drawers.... a new perspective.  Chris feels the same.  This poor guy is so burned out.  I feel sorry for him...he has been thru the ringer.... no other man in the world would have hung around and worked everyday being put thru what he has.  I am blessed to have him... 

So... I will keep praying and hoping and believing God will put doors in front of us that we will open.  And that something happen for us to be able to shed the fear and excuses and make the leap!

I am so ready! 

Xoxo