Old Friends......

I am very blessed to have old friends.  Now, I don't mean THEY are old, or I am (perish the thought!), you see..... I mean they have been with me, we have been together since we were kids, or get the fast track Old Friend status due to surviving a crisis.  I am sure there are advantages to living a life that you move around a lot. I, however, have lived in my town my entire life, with the exception of living in central Wisconsin for about one year. 
When you have old friends you have a level of familiarity that just doesn't happen overnight.  You "talk" about "things"...  You have no pressure to do anything you don't want to, because they understand, but at the same time would do anything to be sure they are taken care of and happy.  It is like planted a baby tree in your yard.  You watch the tree, water it, feed it, love it, strap it down in storms... eventually sit under it for shade from the hot sun.  Sometimes you may even decorate it for Christmas or the other holidays.  I feel like that tree becomes part of the family... part of the landscape of your life.  As are old friends.  Because those friends have families, they become an important part of your life too.  Your family grows... by choice.  My definition of family has always been "the more the merrier" so it was a pretty easy transition for me when I found my Birth Mom and my amazing brothers and sister and their kiddos and my wonderful Step Dad.  I am a part of many families. 
The word family has lots of definitions for me.  I don't believe the "Blood is Thicker than Water".  I believe love is impenetrable and you have the ability to love so much and so many with so much of yourself.  And I do. 
I experienced something unexpected while talking with one of my dear old friends, the oldest friend I have... We met when we were 12.  I love her and she has grown into a part of me.  We are a part of eachother.  We sat and talked in her truck on a very snowy night, in the parking lot of the hospital where her Dad was in intensive care.  I watched her and listened to her... just listened... offered an affirmation now and then... but mostly listened.  Also, I noticed her getting a bit older.  This is a compliment.  She is more beautiful than she was when 20.  I saw her face and how expressive it was and how much she was hurting and frustrating.  Her eyes grew dark as she described how she felt.  Then I saw her soften and her eyes brighten as she told me how she was at peace knowing her Dad would soon be painless and free.  All the while, I was looking at her knowing how lucky I was to be the one listening and sharing this with her.  You see, being old friends means sharing IT ALL... the good the bad...
I, recently, have shared the loss of several friends' parents. Some, I have even presided at their funerals.  I loved these people.  They helped me grow up.  They were, sort of, my parents too. 
We lost my girl friends Dad last night.  She texted me, then we tried to call eachother at the same time... and then finally speaking.  She talked, I listened and we will go through this, just like we have gone through other things - together.  And I am so thankful for that.

I am also thankful for the people who love me for me and nothing more.  Who stick by me through thick and thin and expect me to be nothing but me. Because, after all, that is all any of us can ever be.

These are the thoughts in my head this today...

xo

Julie

8 Weddings and a Funeral...

I have lots of "Jobs".  I am a coffee shop, art gallery, gift shop owner, I am an artist and I am also an ordained minister. 

Yes, an ordained minister.  I got ordained so I could marry my brother Chris and his beautiful bride Tracey.  I remember getting his call.  This is how it went:

Chris, "Tracey and I would like for you to officiate at our wedding."

Me, (Having been raised a Catholic). "I don't think I have the credentials for that."

Chris, "You do! You can get ordained online."

That was the beginning.....

Since then I have presided over quite a few weddings.  Each has been a joy.  It is such an authentic time. Especially in that moment the bride is walking up the aisle.  No matter who the groom is, what his personality is.... it is always the same reaction.... pure love and excitement.  Some of my grooms cry, some smile, others tear up and one actually gasped.  But all of them are brought to their most authentic state and that is a pretty amazing thing to see. And every bride is a blushing bride.... no matter who she is, her age or experience.  Every bride sees her groom and blushes.  It is sweet and wonderful and renews your belief is Anticipation and Love.

That pendulum swings in the opposite direction too.  You see, I have also been asked to lead funerals.  My first one was very emotional.  Not only because it was a funeral, but I knew the person. He was a personal friend of my parents' and mine, my whole life.  I wrote the service, as I do for weddings, rehearsed it and felt very good about it.  It celebrated his life, highlighted what he loved and who and had a few funny stories to balance the loss. I stood at the podium, started with The Lord's Prayer (my favorite way to get everyone in a room to feel connected) and started..... and then my legs started to shake.  Have you ever experienced "leg shake"??  I was talking away and in the back of my mind thinking, "Oh No! What do I do?? OK.... tighen your legs, no, loosen your legs, squeeze your feet". Nothing worked.  Only with time, did the shaking subside and I finished my service.  No one knew about the shaking.  I was complimented by so many that were there.  I was proud of myself.  It was a lesson learned.

Since then I have done 3 other funerals.  One of them was just last Friday evening.  It is different being on the other side of something like that.  I become "Funeral Home Staff" in a way.  I did know the gentleman who passed for this funeral too.... but I felt more at ease (no leg shake).
As I read I could see the family crying, tissues being passed along.... and then some smiles and eventually laughs....  I am a firm believer in ending on a good note.  I walked out of that room to be greeted by my friend fireman with hugs and words of appreciation.  This funeral, like my first, was for a retired firefighter. 

While everyone was leaving the funeral home, we all talked about those who have passed.  I think it is just what you do at the funeral home.  Remember, tell stories, shake hands and give hugs freely.  ** Which by the way is where hugs are given the most... weddings and funerals **
And then it happened.... Someone asked me what I liked doing better.... Funerals or Weddings???   He thought he knew what I was going to answer.  But, do you know what I said???   The truth is I couldn't answer.  I didn't know what I liked to do best. I was surprised that I couldn't answer the question.  The truth is, they are equal.  Equal in terms of how important they are.  Equal in terms of the emotion involved and the work involved in preparing for them both.  The responsibility factor is equal too.  I commit to honoring people, taking something and someone whom they love and conveying how much they are loved.  It is a big deal and I take it so seriously.

So this year, so far, I have 8 weddings and a funeral.  And I am honored to be involved in all of them.  Being immersed in all those feelings - good, bad and all, is overwelming in a way.  You have no other choice but to put it all out there and take it all in.

This is my favorite job... of all my jobs... and I hope and pray that I can it forever.

Have a great day all,

xoxo

Julie