I have a lot of "jobs". It has always been like this for me. I am, what I call, a 'juggler'. I juggle my coffee shop, my art business, art lessons, volunteering, being a member of 2 different boards, being a minister, a wife, a stepmom, a mom to my beloved dogs and... oh yes... being Julie.
Sometimes I fail... today is one of those days.
So I write today about priorities, saying Yes or No... and really getting the answer to the question.... What do I really WANT to do... or any of us (you) really.
Priorities.... I talk to all of my sweet wedding couples about them during their wedding ceremony. "Make your relationship a priority", I say... "Don't stretch yourselves too thin", I preach. Boy oh Boy.... If I only listened to my words. Because Believe Me I Sound AMAZING! But, alas, I think Chris and I are the worst at making our relationship and our family a priority. Doesn't make much sense, does it? I think this comes from a "Pleaser" marrying a "Pleaser". Anyway, the bottom line is, I don't know how to do it... Making Priorities means that something is going to get a big fat "No" and that doesn't make anyone feel good, now does it? Saying No to someone never feels good. Feelings get hurt, people are disappointed and let down... it is hard. But, as we get older we realize that we just can't do it all... I know I can't. I may be having a harder time with that fact than anyone.
Working in a retail environment makes it very hard to set priorities... I have a schedule of what I am going to do when... Ha! It is Futile. Sometimes it makes me sad..... You may or may not know that I am an Artist, a watercolorist. I love it. I love painting, I love sharing my paintings.... I love everything about it. I also love being a minister. Marrying couples is the most rewarding thing in the world. It is so authentic... they are so authentic... The moment the groom sees the bride coming up the aisle, the moment they realize they are making Vows to eachother... it is just amazing. And this says nothing about how a Best Man looks at his best friend....or how a Maid of Honor gently fluffs her girlfriends dress train.... it is so wonderful. I also teach kids art... it is another one of my favorite things to do.... they are so fun... full of life and eagerness. They are so proud to show their Moms and Dads... it is very gratifying for me. And sometimes, I even get "prizes" .. these little ones bring me works of art that they created at home just for me. I even got a T shirt, hand painted! I actually cried. These are my favorite things to do. I need to make them priorities. The coffee shop is fun, but it isn't my love... it is a vehicle to tell the world what else I do. That being said, it takes 99% of my time.
The question is, how do I change that? I don't know. I am working on it.
That was the failure today..... that made me write this blog.... I performed a wedding for a lovely couple and on the same day I held a service for their deceased parents. It was a wonderful day. The kids got married on what would have been the brides parent's anniversary. It was heartfelt and wonderful and the guests were happily surprised that they came to a memorial service that turned into a very happy wedding! Well, she called and asked if I would do a service when her and her brother buried the urns.... I said Yes... and we delighted to have the honor. It took me 2 weeks to get back to her... they had already buried the ashes. I am crushed. She is fine.... but it isn't my normal practice. I needed to make that event a Priority and I let other things come before it. I need to prioritize.... learn to say no and realize that I need to dedicate more of my time to those things that make me happy and feel full...
The end of this story is.... I am working on it......
Thanks for listening, these are the thoughts in my head today...
xoxo
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sundays....
Ahhhhhhhhhhh.... Sunday Evening. The double edged sword that is Sunday Evening.....
Life sure has changed. Or did I change... Nope, life has changed. I am glad in so many ways, and in some I am sorry a bit too. People who were once my foundation are separated. People who were once my friends, are no longer... at least in the 'active sense'... and that is fine. It is about 'readjusting'. Now, let me tell you, that I have a harder time 'readjusting' than I ever thought I would. Is it that I am getting older? More set in my ways? Just plan stubborn, or (Heaven forbid) a Control Freak?? Probably all of those things.
Or maybe it is God, The Universe or my Personal Heavenly Friends just pushing me to look at life in a different way. Either way, it has been hard. All that being said, all this drama has opened my life up to so many things that I would have never, otherwise known. People, other kinds of artwork, learning to do things that I never know even existed.... I would have never guessed that I would have Milk Emergencies! But owning a coffee shop comes with a whole new set of concerns and issues..... And I thought building house was hard... Ha!
I think all this is a part of my grand life lesson. But am I learning it?? Sometimes I am just not sure. I ask for things... put them out into the air and then when they come to me, it is at the wrong time or I 'can't' seem to make it work out. I apologize to the 'Powers' frequently... hoping that they don't think I am not grateful or that I don't recognize the gifts and opportunities they are showing me. I am grateful.
I find myself telling my customers to 'go for it', 'leave fear behind'... but do I? Not so much. How is it so different when I have to do it?
This blog is something that I have always wanted to do. I am happy to be posting this note, actually. It helps me to write things down... I only hope that my ramblings and inner heart fears and wishes don't bore the few who may read them. Time is precious and I don't ever want to waste anyone's time, after all. I just like to share how I feel, hoping that someone might be climbing the same mountain I am... just in another place. I like to think of it as other people wishing on the same star that I do every night.
Changes..... I want more, I want more that I can feel good about embracing.
Here is a list of the changes that I am looking forward to enjoying.... I hope not at the expense of anyone else and in hopes that the people who know me will be happy with me... and not sad.
* I want to live where I can see a mountain
* I can't wait to see my artwork hanging in a gallery in a foreign country
* I want to sleep under a blanket of stars and listen to the wolves howl in the night
* I want to hold Chris's hand forever
* I would love to live in Norway or Denmark for one year.
* I pray that my Mom and Dad are happy... even though they are on such a difficult patch.
* I want to experience new places, people, sights, sounds, smells and everything else... I love my hometown, but don't want to die here.... the world is big and I want to be a part of all corners of it. I WANT TO BE A VERB.... and be that VERB in lots of different places.
* I want to keep Learning... every single day
* I can't wait to surprise everyone someday with a song I can play on my guitar... the singing is easy, it is the guitar part I have to learn
* I want to put a license plate on my Jeep from Colorado, Oregon, Washington or California... and have a little convertible with a Florida Plate
* I hope someday to not be able remember when the last time I cried... for a sad reason....
I am actively working on this list..... the biggest challenge is accepting the open doors that are put in front of me.... because it is best for me.
In the end, it is about valuing SELF, not worrying about other's paths....as those paths are their own and not mine and my actions really have no impact on their path.... not really anyway...
So.... now you are up to date on the thoughts in my head for this lovely September Sunday evening. Tomorrow morning 4:30 will come too soon....
Like I said... a double edged sword.
xoxo
Julie
Life sure has changed. Or did I change... Nope, life has changed. I am glad in so many ways, and in some I am sorry a bit too. People who were once my foundation are separated. People who were once my friends, are no longer... at least in the 'active sense'... and that is fine. It is about 'readjusting'. Now, let me tell you, that I have a harder time 'readjusting' than I ever thought I would. Is it that I am getting older? More set in my ways? Just plan stubborn, or (Heaven forbid) a Control Freak?? Probably all of those things.
Or maybe it is God, The Universe or my Personal Heavenly Friends just pushing me to look at life in a different way. Either way, it has been hard. All that being said, all this drama has opened my life up to so many things that I would have never, otherwise known. People, other kinds of artwork, learning to do things that I never know even existed.... I would have never guessed that I would have Milk Emergencies! But owning a coffee shop comes with a whole new set of concerns and issues..... And I thought building house was hard... Ha!
I think all this is a part of my grand life lesson. But am I learning it?? Sometimes I am just not sure. I ask for things... put them out into the air and then when they come to me, it is at the wrong time or I 'can't' seem to make it work out. I apologize to the 'Powers' frequently... hoping that they don't think I am not grateful or that I don't recognize the gifts and opportunities they are showing me. I am grateful.
I find myself telling my customers to 'go for it', 'leave fear behind'... but do I? Not so much. How is it so different when I have to do it?
This blog is something that I have always wanted to do. I am happy to be posting this note, actually. It helps me to write things down... I only hope that my ramblings and inner heart fears and wishes don't bore the few who may read them. Time is precious and I don't ever want to waste anyone's time, after all. I just like to share how I feel, hoping that someone might be climbing the same mountain I am... just in another place. I like to think of it as other people wishing on the same star that I do every night.
Changes..... I want more, I want more that I can feel good about embracing.
Here is a list of the changes that I am looking forward to enjoying.... I hope not at the expense of anyone else and in hopes that the people who know me will be happy with me... and not sad.
* I want to live where I can see a mountain
* I can't wait to see my artwork hanging in a gallery in a foreign country
* I want to sleep under a blanket of stars and listen to the wolves howl in the night
* I want to hold Chris's hand forever
* I would love to live in Norway or Denmark for one year.
* I pray that my Mom and Dad are happy... even though they are on such a difficult patch.
* I want to experience new places, people, sights, sounds, smells and everything else... I love my hometown, but don't want to die here.... the world is big and I want to be a part of all corners of it. I WANT TO BE A VERB.... and be that VERB in lots of different places.
* I want to keep Learning... every single day
* I can't wait to surprise everyone someday with a song I can play on my guitar... the singing is easy, it is the guitar part I have to learn
* I want to put a license plate on my Jeep from Colorado, Oregon, Washington or California... and have a little convertible with a Florida Plate
* I hope someday to not be able remember when the last time I cried... for a sad reason....
I am actively working on this list..... the biggest challenge is accepting the open doors that are put in front of me.... because it is best for me.
In the end, it is about valuing SELF, not worrying about other's paths....as those paths are their own and not mine and my actions really have no impact on their path.... not really anyway...
So.... now you are up to date on the thoughts in my head for this lovely September Sunday evening. Tomorrow morning 4:30 will come too soon....
Like I said... a double edged sword.
xoxo
Julie
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
growing old gracefully... yah right.
I realized today that when I look in the mirror, the "girl" looking back to me.... well looks different than me. There are inside changes too. Like, when I walk past my pastry case at the coffee shop, my jeans get tighter, indicating that all the years of yoyo dieting has destroyed my metabolism, I have bulges where I have never had them and ALL the things my Mom told me was going to happen to me, is or has or will. It is really troubling. Now, I am not OLD... 48 is the new 28 right?
I find I spend a good amount of time just looking in the mirror... thinking "What the hell happened?". Does everyone choose a shirt depending on how it makes my neck look? I never even noticed my neck before, now... boy, you can really see that it's "wiggly". Just sayin.
Sometimes I don't even know where the heck I am... there are so many thoughts going on in my head, I forget where I am. As a default, I am probably in Walmart getting milk for the coffee shop. But, sometimes, I am not sure. This gets even more disturbing when you tell someone and they say, "Oh, Just wait, it gets worse!" Worse???? How?????
Every Monday I have a new and improved game plan. I promise to drink more "juiced" stuff. It is green, my girlfriend from high school makes it and shares it with me. It is the green fountain of youth, I am convinced. I have also convinced myself that I am way healthier after choking it down. And then ther are the probiotics, vitamins, green powder stuff that I mix with water and all the added water... for crying outloud... this is ridiculous. I may sprout something! By Thursday, my willpower has diminished a bit and the french fries from the hotdog stand next door are sounding like a great idea. Boy, I really gave it the old college try. Geez. Well, Monday is coming again.
Then there is that mood thing. I asked the Dr. to adjust my thyroid medicine. He asked why... I told him because I feel like Budda who may just kill someone with my bare hands, that's why... to which he replied, "Maybe you are depressed" "Depressed! I am not depressed".. That discussion went on for 10 minutes longer than it needed to. Just another "Change" right. Yikes.
There are upshots to going older... there is no more guilt in feeling tired. You don't have to wear high heels every time you go out. I don't have people asking me when I amgoing to have babies.... that is nice.
Those are the only ones I can think of as I write this, but I will get back to you because I am sure there are more.
So, in closing, here are my thoughts on aging:
I am not LOVING it.
I don't understand some of the things that are happening to me - inside or out.
My new perspective on things is both frightening and liberating.
I am not depressed.
My Mom was right about everything.
and, finally,
I am not going gracefully...
xo
julie
I find I spend a good amount of time just looking in the mirror... thinking "What the hell happened?". Does everyone choose a shirt depending on how it makes my neck look? I never even noticed my neck before, now... boy, you can really see that it's "wiggly". Just sayin.
Sometimes I don't even know where the heck I am... there are so many thoughts going on in my head, I forget where I am. As a default, I am probably in Walmart getting milk for the coffee shop. But, sometimes, I am not sure. This gets even more disturbing when you tell someone and they say, "Oh, Just wait, it gets worse!" Worse???? How?????
Every Monday I have a new and improved game plan. I promise to drink more "juiced" stuff. It is green, my girlfriend from high school makes it and shares it with me. It is the green fountain of youth, I am convinced. I have also convinced myself that I am way healthier after choking it down. And then ther are the probiotics, vitamins, green powder stuff that I mix with water and all the added water... for crying outloud... this is ridiculous. I may sprout something! By Thursday, my willpower has diminished a bit and the french fries from the hotdog stand next door are sounding like a great idea. Boy, I really gave it the old college try. Geez. Well, Monday is coming again.
Then there is that mood thing. I asked the Dr. to adjust my thyroid medicine. He asked why... I told him because I feel like Budda who may just kill someone with my bare hands, that's why... to which he replied, "Maybe you are depressed" "Depressed! I am not depressed".. That discussion went on for 10 minutes longer than it needed to. Just another "Change" right. Yikes.
There are upshots to going older... there is no more guilt in feeling tired. You don't have to wear high heels every time you go out. I don't have people asking me when I amgoing to have babies.... that is nice.
Those are the only ones I can think of as I write this, but I will get back to you because I am sure there are more.
So, in closing, here are my thoughts on aging:
I am not LOVING it.
I don't understand some of the things that are happening to me - inside or out.
My new perspective on things is both frightening and liberating.
I am not depressed.
My Mom was right about everything.
and, finally,
I am not going gracefully...
xo
julie
Friday, March 8, 2013
Friday... What does that actually mean???? Nothing in a family business
Well.. It is Friday. I always make a big deal of it on my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts... but, it doesn't really mean anything to me. I have worked weekends my whole life. I have made peace with that... but as a young woman, I hated it. All my friends partied like rockstars Friday and Saturday night... I did too, but paid the price at work on Saturday or Sunday or Saturday and Sunday.
You see, I came from a Working Family. I always joke, in my family you work for the family, or you get whacked. Of course, that is a joke...
Working in a family business is a double edged sword. If you have ever watched Duck Dynasty, you have a real feeling for how it goes. Don't let anyone fool you... Redneck or not, all family businesses are the same. It is really a game of separating church and state. You work together all day... agreeing, disagreeing, making decisions (often times not the one your Dad would make) and fighting for a new way of doing things.. or at least your way. Then, at the end of the day, you sit down and eat dinner together.
This can start off strained, but by the time you swipe the last piece of the best meatloaf in the world, you have forgotten the days "capers" and get ready to try it again tomorrow.
I own my own business now. My family business is home building and land development.... need I say more?
I started a coffee shop and art gallery (www.juliescoffeeshop.com). I can tell you, now that I am in the driver's seat, I have never had more respect for my Mom and Dad. And, my stepdaughter is here with me working everytime she is with us. I think, unknowingly, I have started my own Family Business?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Respect for your parents is something you are taught when you are very young. You periodically forget when you are sortof young and you embrace when you are the only one who thinks you are young. I know I do. At 48+ I can only feel a portion of the responsibility they must feel to their employees, the pressure of loans hanging over their heads, the fear that the houses we built would not sell and the anguish of some of them not selling for months. Heck, all I worry about are cups of $2.00 coffee and some nights I don't sleep.
So.... the thoughts that are in my head on this Friday are... I don't feel so bad that I work all the time, I must not, because I started my own business that requires me to work all of the time. I am proud to have Amber work with me and I try to teach her everything I know, it is fun to have my stepdaughter with me. I am thankful to have a husband who helps me every time I ask and who forgets how frustrated I can make him during the work day when he sits down to dinner with me at night... and I am grateful that my Mom and Dad taught me the value of a days work and the unconditional love of a family...no matter how rocky the work days can be.
Peace to you all... and keep working hard,
julie
You see, I came from a Working Family. I always joke, in my family you work for the family, or you get whacked. Of course, that is a joke...
Working in a family business is a double edged sword. If you have ever watched Duck Dynasty, you have a real feeling for how it goes. Don't let anyone fool you... Redneck or not, all family businesses are the same. It is really a game of separating church and state. You work together all day... agreeing, disagreeing, making decisions (often times not the one your Dad would make) and fighting for a new way of doing things.. or at least your way. Then, at the end of the day, you sit down and eat dinner together.
This can start off strained, but by the time you swipe the last piece of the best meatloaf in the world, you have forgotten the days "capers" and get ready to try it again tomorrow.
I own my own business now. My family business is home building and land development.... need I say more?
I started a coffee shop and art gallery (www.juliescoffeeshop.com). I can tell you, now that I am in the driver's seat, I have never had more respect for my Mom and Dad. And, my stepdaughter is here with me working everytime she is with us. I think, unknowingly, I have started my own Family Business?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Respect for your parents is something you are taught when you are very young. You periodically forget when you are sortof young and you embrace when you are the only one who thinks you are young. I know I do. At 48+ I can only feel a portion of the responsibility they must feel to their employees, the pressure of loans hanging over their heads, the fear that the houses we built would not sell and the anguish of some of them not selling for months. Heck, all I worry about are cups of $2.00 coffee and some nights I don't sleep.
So.... the thoughts that are in my head on this Friday are... I don't feel so bad that I work all the time, I must not, because I started my own business that requires me to work all of the time. I am proud to have Amber work with me and I try to teach her everything I know, it is fun to have my stepdaughter with me. I am thankful to have a husband who helps me every time I ask and who forgets how frustrated I can make him during the work day when he sits down to dinner with me at night... and I am grateful that my Mom and Dad taught me the value of a days work and the unconditional love of a family...no matter how rocky the work days can be.
Peace to you all... and keep working hard,
julie
Friday, June 15, 2012
I'm Baaaaaackkkkk
Well, it has been a long time. My buddies Andrea and McGuffy Annie are bloggers so I decided to try this blog thing again.
Lots has happened since the last time we talked... or you read, or maybe I just wrote. Ha Ha..
I opened a coffee shop, art gallery, gift shop, place to jam, read poetry and just hang out. It is all good. It has been an adventure to be sure...
You see, when I opened this little shop I didn't know anything about coffee. I knew about building houses. Those two things have nothing in common. To say the least, I was stressed out. But, like everything, I got through it and I am off and running. I am still painting too, but most of my time is spent pouring coffee, steaming milk, mixing smoothies and talking with all my new friends. I love coffee lovers! I have the best customers in the whole world. We have fun here. We solve plenty of problems and come up with some great ideas... talk about our dreams and hopes and figure out how we will make it through today.... But, mostly we learn things. I learn. We learn.
That is what I am dedicating my blog to - Things I learn. Up 'til now I have made my blog about my personal life.... exciting (ha) but not the direction I want to go. I would like to share all the things all these amazing people that I now know teach me... each day......
so.... here it goes:
I was at a meeting/conference/networking deal last week. Now, I wasn't raised (by Mom #1) as a joiner, but I am a joiner by nature (Mom #2 had a hand in that from a land far far away... it is a nature nurture thing.. but I digress) Anyways... I am at this deal and there are lots of small business owners there. My great friend and knower of all things small business Joanne Osmond invited me. IT WAS SO COOL! Cool people, nice people, smart business people and the food was great. We did a little round table do's and don'ts thing and heard from the owner of Super Dog! Super Dog! Just close to the most famous hot dog stand in Chicago... and what a story. The following list of items are some of the thing I learned last week. It is fun to be a joiner....
DO make a systems manual for your new business. List everything out... everything you do and how to do it. Give it to all your employees and be sure they actually READ it... and you read it too, every now and then.
DON'T get over extended. KNOW where all of your money is going and be sure to be flexible with your plan (more about plans later). Some things may not be as rockin' as you thought... change it up.... Be adaptable.
Treat your employees how you would like to be treated. Respect them and their time, they will return the favor. If Not, don't be afraid to move on... it is your business and your life... everyone should be on board.
Be CONFIDENT. Give yourself VALUE. Figure out WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Figure out what you want for your life. Get your belief system dialed in clearly... your decisions will be easier to make if you have these 4 Pillars firmly in place to build your foundation on.
Send out thank you emails to your vendors! Tell them you are excited to have their product and you are selling them! They love it and you will make their day!
If you are lactose intolerant and the dessert at the deal is bananas foster and you can't eat it... just take a banana off the table and have that for dessert. People will think you are super healthy ;)
And finally....
DON'T TAKE AN ASPIRIN FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S HEADACHE.
That's it for today... I will learn more tomorrow.. and I will share that soon!
Best,
Julie - Julie's Coffeewww.juliescoffeeshop.com
Lots has happened since the last time we talked... or you read, or maybe I just wrote. Ha Ha..
I opened a coffee shop, art gallery, gift shop, place to jam, read poetry and just hang out. It is all good. It has been an adventure to be sure...
You see, when I opened this little shop I didn't know anything about coffee. I knew about building houses. Those two things have nothing in common. To say the least, I was stressed out. But, like everything, I got through it and I am off and running. I am still painting too, but most of my time is spent pouring coffee, steaming milk, mixing smoothies and talking with all my new friends. I love coffee lovers! I have the best customers in the whole world. We have fun here. We solve plenty of problems and come up with some great ideas... talk about our dreams and hopes and figure out how we will make it through today.... But, mostly we learn things. I learn. We learn.
That is what I am dedicating my blog to - Things I learn. Up 'til now I have made my blog about my personal life.... exciting (ha) but not the direction I want to go. I would like to share all the things all these amazing people that I now know teach me... each day......
so.... here it goes:
I was at a meeting/conference/networking deal last week. Now, I wasn't raised (by Mom #1) as a joiner, but I am a joiner by nature (Mom #2 had a hand in that from a land far far away... it is a nature nurture thing.. but I digress) Anyways... I am at this deal and there are lots of small business owners there. My great friend and knower of all things small business Joanne Osmond invited me. IT WAS SO COOL! Cool people, nice people, smart business people and the food was great. We did a little round table do's and don'ts thing and heard from the owner of Super Dog! Super Dog! Just close to the most famous hot dog stand in Chicago... and what a story. The following list of items are some of the thing I learned last week. It is fun to be a joiner....
DO make a systems manual for your new business. List everything out... everything you do and how to do it. Give it to all your employees and be sure they actually READ it... and you read it too, every now and then.
DON'T get over extended. KNOW where all of your money is going and be sure to be flexible with your plan (more about plans later). Some things may not be as rockin' as you thought... change it up.... Be adaptable.
Treat your employees how you would like to be treated. Respect them and their time, they will return the favor. If Not, don't be afraid to move on... it is your business and your life... everyone should be on board.
Be CONFIDENT. Give yourself VALUE. Figure out WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Figure out what you want for your life. Get your belief system dialed in clearly... your decisions will be easier to make if you have these 4 Pillars firmly in place to build your foundation on.
Send out thank you emails to your vendors! Tell them you are excited to have their product and you are selling them! They love it and you will make their day!
If you are lactose intolerant and the dessert at the deal is bananas foster and you can't eat it... just take a banana off the table and have that for dessert. People will think you are super healthy ;)
And finally....
DON'T TAKE AN ASPIRIN FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S HEADACHE.
That's it for today... I will learn more tomorrow.. and I will share that soon!
Best,
Julie - Julie's Coffeewww.juliescoffeeshop.com
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Character Builder
I just asked myself the same question 3 times in a row.... Why do people do the things that they do? It is a hard question to answer. I would like to think we all think things thru... you know, really project the consequences to our actions... but.. not so much. Why in the world would someone who loves their kids so much do everthing in their power to push them away, then cry when they are gone? Families are weird. Weird... there is always so much going on behind the scenes. I mean while driving by any house in suburbia things looks so wonderful.. you really can't know what it is really like inside.....
I have said so many times... Why do some families have so many things happen to them all at once??? It seems to unfair..... Doesn't it? Have you ever known a family like that... maybe the lose their parents at once or many members get sick all in a row.... It is sad. I think it all to learn lessons, although only they know = or maybe not = the lesson they are suppose to learn. Or maybe it is just plain old dumb luck. But, I don't think so. I don't really believe in that I don't think... or at least not as much as I used to believe in it. Maybe we endure these dark times in our lives to build character. I have all the character that I can stand... let me tell you or anyone else who is listening up there... or out there.
It comes down to a question of control. Most things do, don't you think? If you overcontrol your surroundings, I believe your surroundings will change.... as in, Go Away. People can only endure that for so long... Now you can say it is out of love, but isn't it really just to get what you want? Because, of course, you know what is best for everyone at the party..... right? So, how then can I keep feeling sorry for you? I feel sorry for everyone... always have. I just don't have that chip... that.. screw them chip... There are days I wish I had a half a chip like that... but, alas... nada.
I pray alot... talk really. My friend Lisa says I need to talk more... ask for help more, Nan says the same. So I am trying to do that whenever I think about it. I feel like a whiner... seems like 80 percent of the time I do Talk... I am asking for something... great talker friend I am ..... I do try to say thanks too.... I do that. But mostly I ask. Sometimes I ask for other people... and rally the celestial troops to deploy to the location of my person in need... you know, I don't need you today guys... please go to so and so's place and wrap your help and loving light around them..... I hope they do. It is hard to tell sometimes.
I met a stranger that is very much like me. Turns out she is my Birthmom.. I have talked about her before. She is wonderful.... she is facing a battle now... yes the C word, or so it looks. I am asking again for my "guys" to meet up with hers and see if they can beat this deal with her. She is really something... who tells their daughter something like that and then apologizes because I have so much on my plate. I have a big plate, among other things..... like my butt. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
My family is just like everyone's... maybe not, but I would prefer to think so.... but you know, I just wish we could all love eachother unconditionally... without control, without an inside motive.
That is the difference between my other family and this one..... the main difference..... It was hard to get used to at first. I like it. But it was unchartered waters..... calmer ones. Not better or worse... just different. No qualifying here.... just to make myself clear.
The truth is. I am tired. I am.
I pray tonight that loving pink light from my heart flows to hers... and everyone in both families..... I wish that things could be easy and nice and that everyone learns what really matters on this planet on this journey.... it is love and the way love makes all of us feel. God, I pray for this for everyone ... every minute.... And a side prayer for dry cheeks.
Today has been a character builders. Good night all.... xo
I have said so many times... Why do some families have so many things happen to them all at once??? It seems to unfair..... Doesn't it? Have you ever known a family like that... maybe the lose their parents at once or many members get sick all in a row.... It is sad. I think it all to learn lessons, although only they know = or maybe not = the lesson they are suppose to learn. Or maybe it is just plain old dumb luck. But, I don't think so. I don't really believe in that I don't think... or at least not as much as I used to believe in it. Maybe we endure these dark times in our lives to build character. I have all the character that I can stand... let me tell you or anyone else who is listening up there... or out there.
It comes down to a question of control. Most things do, don't you think? If you overcontrol your surroundings, I believe your surroundings will change.... as in, Go Away. People can only endure that for so long... Now you can say it is out of love, but isn't it really just to get what you want? Because, of course, you know what is best for everyone at the party..... right? So, how then can I keep feeling sorry for you? I feel sorry for everyone... always have. I just don't have that chip... that.. screw them chip... There are days I wish I had a half a chip like that... but, alas... nada.
I pray alot... talk really. My friend Lisa says I need to talk more... ask for help more, Nan says the same. So I am trying to do that whenever I think about it. I feel like a whiner... seems like 80 percent of the time I do Talk... I am asking for something... great talker friend I am ..... I do try to say thanks too.... I do that. But mostly I ask. Sometimes I ask for other people... and rally the celestial troops to deploy to the location of my person in need... you know, I don't need you today guys... please go to so and so's place and wrap your help and loving light around them..... I hope they do. It is hard to tell sometimes.
I met a stranger that is very much like me. Turns out she is my Birthmom.. I have talked about her before. She is wonderful.... she is facing a battle now... yes the C word, or so it looks. I am asking again for my "guys" to meet up with hers and see if they can beat this deal with her. She is really something... who tells their daughter something like that and then apologizes because I have so much on my plate. I have a big plate, among other things..... like my butt. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
My family is just like everyone's... maybe not, but I would prefer to think so.... but you know, I just wish we could all love eachother unconditionally... without control, without an inside motive.
That is the difference between my other family and this one..... the main difference..... It was hard to get used to at first. I like it. But it was unchartered waters..... calmer ones. Not better or worse... just different. No qualifying here.... just to make myself clear.
The truth is. I am tired. I am.
I pray tonight that loving pink light from my heart flows to hers... and everyone in both families..... I wish that things could be easy and nice and that everyone learns what really matters on this planet on this journey.... it is love and the way love makes all of us feel. God, I pray for this for everyone ... every minute.... And a side prayer for dry cheeks.
Today has been a character builders. Good night all.... xo
Friday, January 28, 2011
just another day in.....
Well Well Well.. Another week goes by and each new day brings some new something or other. This week I saw the wonderful change tragedy brings out in people... and they are not afraid to act human instead of super-human.... which she is much more familiar with. I learned that loving pink light comes from your heart and you can send it to anyone. I learned a rib recipe... that I will be using tomorrow at a rib competition ( I have never made ribs in my life) this should be interesting. I shared a 60 year old mink coat with my step daughter... she is standing up in a wedding and had no coat to wear with her dress. I couldn't stand the idea of her wearing a school jacket with an evening dress... that taught me I really have heard all those things my Mom has been saying to me for years... scary.
I was Made in Alaska ! Something I didn't know till I was 42 when I met my Birthmom. I have always loved that I love winter and never get cold. When I learned about the Made in Alaska thing, that all made sense to me... I learned this week that even that doesn't work as a person gets older.... I am freezing! LOL.
I am ok with not understanding what motivates others... but sometimes that still hurts. I haven't learned how to do it yet, but I am trying to let go. These problems and dramas are not mine, even though they affect me. I have very little impact on others actions... and people say one thing and do another.. oh yah, and here is a real eye opener... Even though people THINK they are sneaky.. guess what ... YOU ARE NOT.
I love dogs... mostly big dogs, but I do not discriminate. I knew that already but I learned how much they mean to me and my dog loving friends. Goodbye Murphy... I am sending loving pink light to her from my heart.. and to your Mom and Dad.
Family has nothing to do with blood. NOTHING. I have heard that phrase.. "Blood is Thicker Than Water" That is crap. Believe me, it is.
I miss some of my friends from long ago. I am so happy for their unbelievable success. I love them still and hope they know that and they feel it.
Hopefully distance WILL make the heart grow fonder ... or at least less hateful.
Where you are, physically in this world, on this planet, directly affects your attitude and ability to fight a battle otherwise very hard to beat.
Here is the deal... we learn things everyday... even if they are small things that don't make a difference. Or so we think. I cry at least 6 times a week... happy cry, sad cry, scared cry, cry cry, sob cry, thank you cry, loss cry... WTF cry... that is me, I am a roller coaster... always have been....
AND THAT IS OK.
Items learned for this week... AMEN
I was Made in Alaska ! Something I didn't know till I was 42 when I met my Birthmom. I have always loved that I love winter and never get cold. When I learned about the Made in Alaska thing, that all made sense to me... I learned this week that even that doesn't work as a person gets older.... I am freezing! LOL.
I am ok with not understanding what motivates others... but sometimes that still hurts. I haven't learned how to do it yet, but I am trying to let go. These problems and dramas are not mine, even though they affect me. I have very little impact on others actions... and people say one thing and do another.. oh yah, and here is a real eye opener... Even though people THINK they are sneaky.. guess what ... YOU ARE NOT.
I love dogs... mostly big dogs, but I do not discriminate. I knew that already but I learned how much they mean to me and my dog loving friends. Goodbye Murphy... I am sending loving pink light to her from my heart.. and to your Mom and Dad.
Family has nothing to do with blood. NOTHING. I have heard that phrase.. "Blood is Thicker Than Water" That is crap. Believe me, it is.
I miss some of my friends from long ago. I am so happy for their unbelievable success. I love them still and hope they know that and they feel it.
Hopefully distance WILL make the heart grow fonder ... or at least less hateful.
Where you are, physically in this world, on this planet, directly affects your attitude and ability to fight a battle otherwise very hard to beat.
Here is the deal... we learn things everyday... even if they are small things that don't make a difference. Or so we think. I cry at least 6 times a week... happy cry, sad cry, scared cry, cry cry, sob cry, thank you cry, loss cry... WTF cry... that is me, I am a roller coaster... always have been....
AND THAT IS OK.
Items learned for this week... AMEN
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