OK..... I consider myself a positive person.... on the whole, at least.
That beings said, having to be "on" all day at the coffee shop has been a challenge. Everyone has "bad" days....even Mary Poppins, right?
Life throws you some pretty high speed challenges... often in groups of 16 and, lets face it, it is hard to remain "Optimistic".... even for me.
And.... I have read all the posts on Facebook, seen all the pictures on Instagram accompanied by picture of perfectly dressed people staring off into the sunset... "Moving" I think to myself. BUT, some days, heck, even some weeks are shitty.
Now I don't believe that EVERY SINGLE THING THAT CROSSES YOUR PATH IS MEANT TO TEACH US SOME UNIVERSAL LESSON ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING FOR THE REASON WE ARE ALL HERE. I do believe, however, that some days are just tough and that is ok. Really, it is.... just ok.
No life is perfect. No person is perfect. Humans are humans and we all react differently to crisis's, however big or small. And even for me... These ethereal heavenly wisdom "quoters" are driving me nuts! NUTS! Can I have an "AMEN" anybody? Come on, it can't just be me!?!
My very dear friend just moved into a new rental house. She loves it, except that her toilet did nothing but spit and bubble for 4 days in a row. Needless to say, she lost her "cherublike" demeanor. During this particular challenge in her life she had several people ask her what was her lesson in all of this??? She had a few great answers to share with me (although I never asked her this particular question) as she was sprinting to the bathroom here at the coffee shop at 5:31am.
The truth is.... there was no lesson the Universe was trying to teach her by disabling her commode.....it was just a pain-in-the-butt (no pun intended, or maybe it was) deal that inconvenienced her alot. And her reaction was natural, healthy and just plain old OK.
In summation..... sometimes people can be sad, angry, pissed off and out of sorts. It is ok to FEEL. We don't need medicine, or a quote from the Good Book for everything that happens... maybe we just Need a Break..... or some time to think..... or maybe just a smile and a pat on the back... or maybe..... just maybe.... nothing at all.
#Justsayin'
This is the thought in my head today....
xo
julie
Monday, November 18, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
As much as their is of me, there never seems to be enough
I have a lot of "jobs". It has always been like this for me. I am, what I call, a 'juggler'. I juggle my coffee shop, my art business, art lessons, volunteering, being a member of 2 different boards, being a minister, a wife, a stepmom, a mom to my beloved dogs and... oh yes... being Julie.
Sometimes I fail... today is one of those days.
So I write today about priorities, saying Yes or No... and really getting the answer to the question.... What do I really WANT to do... or any of us (you) really.
Priorities.... I talk to all of my sweet wedding couples about them during their wedding ceremony. "Make your relationship a priority", I say... "Don't stretch yourselves too thin", I preach. Boy oh Boy.... If I only listened to my words. Because Believe Me I Sound AMAZING! But, alas, I think Chris and I are the worst at making our relationship and our family a priority. Doesn't make much sense, does it? I think this comes from a "Pleaser" marrying a "Pleaser". Anyway, the bottom line is, I don't know how to do it... Making Priorities means that something is going to get a big fat "No" and that doesn't make anyone feel good, now does it? Saying No to someone never feels good. Feelings get hurt, people are disappointed and let down... it is hard. But, as we get older we realize that we just can't do it all... I know I can't. I may be having a harder time with that fact than anyone.
Working in a retail environment makes it very hard to set priorities... I have a schedule of what I am going to do when... Ha! It is Futile. Sometimes it makes me sad..... You may or may not know that I am an Artist, a watercolorist. I love it. I love painting, I love sharing my paintings.... I love everything about it. I also love being a minister. Marrying couples is the most rewarding thing in the world. It is so authentic... they are so authentic... The moment the groom sees the bride coming up the aisle, the moment they realize they are making Vows to eachother... it is just amazing. And this says nothing about how a Best Man looks at his best friend....or how a Maid of Honor gently fluffs her girlfriends dress train.... it is so wonderful. I also teach kids art... it is another one of my favorite things to do.... they are so fun... full of life and eagerness. They are so proud to show their Moms and Dads... it is very gratifying for me. And sometimes, I even get "prizes" .. these little ones bring me works of art that they created at home just for me. I even got a T shirt, hand painted! I actually cried. These are my favorite things to do. I need to make them priorities. The coffee shop is fun, but it isn't my love... it is a vehicle to tell the world what else I do. That being said, it takes 99% of my time.
The question is, how do I change that? I don't know. I am working on it.
That was the failure today..... that made me write this blog.... I performed a wedding for a lovely couple and on the same day I held a service for their deceased parents. It was a wonderful day. The kids got married on what would have been the brides parent's anniversary. It was heartfelt and wonderful and the guests were happily surprised that they came to a memorial service that turned into a very happy wedding! Well, she called and asked if I would do a service when her and her brother buried the urns.... I said Yes... and we delighted to have the honor. It took me 2 weeks to get back to her... they had already buried the ashes. I am crushed. She is fine.... but it isn't my normal practice. I needed to make that event a Priority and I let other things come before it. I need to prioritize.... learn to say no and realize that I need to dedicate more of my time to those things that make me happy and feel full...
The end of this story is.... I am working on it......
Thanks for listening, these are the thoughts in my head today...
xoxo
Sometimes I fail... today is one of those days.
So I write today about priorities, saying Yes or No... and really getting the answer to the question.... What do I really WANT to do... or any of us (you) really.
Priorities.... I talk to all of my sweet wedding couples about them during their wedding ceremony. "Make your relationship a priority", I say... "Don't stretch yourselves too thin", I preach. Boy oh Boy.... If I only listened to my words. Because Believe Me I Sound AMAZING! But, alas, I think Chris and I are the worst at making our relationship and our family a priority. Doesn't make much sense, does it? I think this comes from a "Pleaser" marrying a "Pleaser". Anyway, the bottom line is, I don't know how to do it... Making Priorities means that something is going to get a big fat "No" and that doesn't make anyone feel good, now does it? Saying No to someone never feels good. Feelings get hurt, people are disappointed and let down... it is hard. But, as we get older we realize that we just can't do it all... I know I can't. I may be having a harder time with that fact than anyone.
Working in a retail environment makes it very hard to set priorities... I have a schedule of what I am going to do when... Ha! It is Futile. Sometimes it makes me sad..... You may or may not know that I am an Artist, a watercolorist. I love it. I love painting, I love sharing my paintings.... I love everything about it. I also love being a minister. Marrying couples is the most rewarding thing in the world. It is so authentic... they are so authentic... The moment the groom sees the bride coming up the aisle, the moment they realize they are making Vows to eachother... it is just amazing. And this says nothing about how a Best Man looks at his best friend....or how a Maid of Honor gently fluffs her girlfriends dress train.... it is so wonderful. I also teach kids art... it is another one of my favorite things to do.... they are so fun... full of life and eagerness. They are so proud to show their Moms and Dads... it is very gratifying for me. And sometimes, I even get "prizes" .. these little ones bring me works of art that they created at home just for me. I even got a T shirt, hand painted! I actually cried. These are my favorite things to do. I need to make them priorities. The coffee shop is fun, but it isn't my love... it is a vehicle to tell the world what else I do. That being said, it takes 99% of my time.
The question is, how do I change that? I don't know. I am working on it.
That was the failure today..... that made me write this blog.... I performed a wedding for a lovely couple and on the same day I held a service for their deceased parents. It was a wonderful day. The kids got married on what would have been the brides parent's anniversary. It was heartfelt and wonderful and the guests were happily surprised that they came to a memorial service that turned into a very happy wedding! Well, she called and asked if I would do a service when her and her brother buried the urns.... I said Yes... and we delighted to have the honor. It took me 2 weeks to get back to her... they had already buried the ashes. I am crushed. She is fine.... but it isn't my normal practice. I needed to make that event a Priority and I let other things come before it. I need to prioritize.... learn to say no and realize that I need to dedicate more of my time to those things that make me happy and feel full...
The end of this story is.... I am working on it......
Thanks for listening, these are the thoughts in my head today...
xoxo
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sundays....
Ahhhhhhhhhhh.... Sunday Evening. The double edged sword that is Sunday Evening.....
Life sure has changed. Or did I change... Nope, life has changed. I am glad in so many ways, and in some I am sorry a bit too. People who were once my foundation are separated. People who were once my friends, are no longer... at least in the 'active sense'... and that is fine. It is about 'readjusting'. Now, let me tell you, that I have a harder time 'readjusting' than I ever thought I would. Is it that I am getting older? More set in my ways? Just plan stubborn, or (Heaven forbid) a Control Freak?? Probably all of those things.
Or maybe it is God, The Universe or my Personal Heavenly Friends just pushing me to look at life in a different way. Either way, it has been hard. All that being said, all this drama has opened my life up to so many things that I would have never, otherwise known. People, other kinds of artwork, learning to do things that I never know even existed.... I would have never guessed that I would have Milk Emergencies! But owning a coffee shop comes with a whole new set of concerns and issues..... And I thought building house was hard... Ha!
I think all this is a part of my grand life lesson. But am I learning it?? Sometimes I am just not sure. I ask for things... put them out into the air and then when they come to me, it is at the wrong time or I 'can't' seem to make it work out. I apologize to the 'Powers' frequently... hoping that they don't think I am not grateful or that I don't recognize the gifts and opportunities they are showing me. I am grateful.
I find myself telling my customers to 'go for it', 'leave fear behind'... but do I? Not so much. How is it so different when I have to do it?
This blog is something that I have always wanted to do. I am happy to be posting this note, actually. It helps me to write things down... I only hope that my ramblings and inner heart fears and wishes don't bore the few who may read them. Time is precious and I don't ever want to waste anyone's time, after all. I just like to share how I feel, hoping that someone might be climbing the same mountain I am... just in another place. I like to think of it as other people wishing on the same star that I do every night.
Changes..... I want more, I want more that I can feel good about embracing.
Here is a list of the changes that I am looking forward to enjoying.... I hope not at the expense of anyone else and in hopes that the people who know me will be happy with me... and not sad.
* I want to live where I can see a mountain
* I can't wait to see my artwork hanging in a gallery in a foreign country
* I want to sleep under a blanket of stars and listen to the wolves howl in the night
* I want to hold Chris's hand forever
* I would love to live in Norway or Denmark for one year.
* I pray that my Mom and Dad are happy... even though they are on such a difficult patch.
* I want to experience new places, people, sights, sounds, smells and everything else... I love my hometown, but don't want to die here.... the world is big and I want to be a part of all corners of it. I WANT TO BE A VERB.... and be that VERB in lots of different places.
* I want to keep Learning... every single day
* I can't wait to surprise everyone someday with a song I can play on my guitar... the singing is easy, it is the guitar part I have to learn
* I want to put a license plate on my Jeep from Colorado, Oregon, Washington or California... and have a little convertible with a Florida Plate
* I hope someday to not be able remember when the last time I cried... for a sad reason....
I am actively working on this list..... the biggest challenge is accepting the open doors that are put in front of me.... because it is best for me.
In the end, it is about valuing SELF, not worrying about other's paths....as those paths are their own and not mine and my actions really have no impact on their path.... not really anyway...
So.... now you are up to date on the thoughts in my head for this lovely September Sunday evening. Tomorrow morning 4:30 will come too soon....
Like I said... a double edged sword.
xoxo
Julie
Life sure has changed. Or did I change... Nope, life has changed. I am glad in so many ways, and in some I am sorry a bit too. People who were once my foundation are separated. People who were once my friends, are no longer... at least in the 'active sense'... and that is fine. It is about 'readjusting'. Now, let me tell you, that I have a harder time 'readjusting' than I ever thought I would. Is it that I am getting older? More set in my ways? Just plan stubborn, or (Heaven forbid) a Control Freak?? Probably all of those things.
Or maybe it is God, The Universe or my Personal Heavenly Friends just pushing me to look at life in a different way. Either way, it has been hard. All that being said, all this drama has opened my life up to so many things that I would have never, otherwise known. People, other kinds of artwork, learning to do things that I never know even existed.... I would have never guessed that I would have Milk Emergencies! But owning a coffee shop comes with a whole new set of concerns and issues..... And I thought building house was hard... Ha!
I think all this is a part of my grand life lesson. But am I learning it?? Sometimes I am just not sure. I ask for things... put them out into the air and then when they come to me, it is at the wrong time or I 'can't' seem to make it work out. I apologize to the 'Powers' frequently... hoping that they don't think I am not grateful or that I don't recognize the gifts and opportunities they are showing me. I am grateful.
I find myself telling my customers to 'go for it', 'leave fear behind'... but do I? Not so much. How is it so different when I have to do it?
This blog is something that I have always wanted to do. I am happy to be posting this note, actually. It helps me to write things down... I only hope that my ramblings and inner heart fears and wishes don't bore the few who may read them. Time is precious and I don't ever want to waste anyone's time, after all. I just like to share how I feel, hoping that someone might be climbing the same mountain I am... just in another place. I like to think of it as other people wishing on the same star that I do every night.
Changes..... I want more, I want more that I can feel good about embracing.
Here is a list of the changes that I am looking forward to enjoying.... I hope not at the expense of anyone else and in hopes that the people who know me will be happy with me... and not sad.
* I want to live where I can see a mountain
* I can't wait to see my artwork hanging in a gallery in a foreign country
* I want to sleep under a blanket of stars and listen to the wolves howl in the night
* I want to hold Chris's hand forever
* I would love to live in Norway or Denmark for one year.
* I pray that my Mom and Dad are happy... even though they are on such a difficult patch.
* I want to experience new places, people, sights, sounds, smells and everything else... I love my hometown, but don't want to die here.... the world is big and I want to be a part of all corners of it. I WANT TO BE A VERB.... and be that VERB in lots of different places.
* I want to keep Learning... every single day
* I can't wait to surprise everyone someday with a song I can play on my guitar... the singing is easy, it is the guitar part I have to learn
* I want to put a license plate on my Jeep from Colorado, Oregon, Washington or California... and have a little convertible with a Florida Plate
* I hope someday to not be able remember when the last time I cried... for a sad reason....
I am actively working on this list..... the biggest challenge is accepting the open doors that are put in front of me.... because it is best for me.
In the end, it is about valuing SELF, not worrying about other's paths....as those paths are their own and not mine and my actions really have no impact on their path.... not really anyway...
So.... now you are up to date on the thoughts in my head for this lovely September Sunday evening. Tomorrow morning 4:30 will come too soon....
Like I said... a double edged sword.
xoxo
Julie
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
growing old gracefully... yah right.
I realized today that when I look in the mirror, the "girl" looking back to me.... well looks different than me. There are inside changes too. Like, when I walk past my pastry case at the coffee shop, my jeans get tighter, indicating that all the years of yoyo dieting has destroyed my metabolism, I have bulges where I have never had them and ALL the things my Mom told me was going to happen to me, is or has or will. It is really troubling. Now, I am not OLD... 48 is the new 28 right?
I find I spend a good amount of time just looking in the mirror... thinking "What the hell happened?". Does everyone choose a shirt depending on how it makes my neck look? I never even noticed my neck before, now... boy, you can really see that it's "wiggly". Just sayin.
Sometimes I don't even know where the heck I am... there are so many thoughts going on in my head, I forget where I am. As a default, I am probably in Walmart getting milk for the coffee shop. But, sometimes, I am not sure. This gets even more disturbing when you tell someone and they say, "Oh, Just wait, it gets worse!" Worse???? How?????
Every Monday I have a new and improved game plan. I promise to drink more "juiced" stuff. It is green, my girlfriend from high school makes it and shares it with me. It is the green fountain of youth, I am convinced. I have also convinced myself that I am way healthier after choking it down. And then ther are the probiotics, vitamins, green powder stuff that I mix with water and all the added water... for crying outloud... this is ridiculous. I may sprout something! By Thursday, my willpower has diminished a bit and the french fries from the hotdog stand next door are sounding like a great idea. Boy, I really gave it the old college try. Geez. Well, Monday is coming again.
Then there is that mood thing. I asked the Dr. to adjust my thyroid medicine. He asked why... I told him because I feel like Budda who may just kill someone with my bare hands, that's why... to which he replied, "Maybe you are depressed" "Depressed! I am not depressed".. That discussion went on for 10 minutes longer than it needed to. Just another "Change" right. Yikes.
There are upshots to going older... there is no more guilt in feeling tired. You don't have to wear high heels every time you go out. I don't have people asking me when I amgoing to have babies.... that is nice.
Those are the only ones I can think of as I write this, but I will get back to you because I am sure there are more.
So, in closing, here are my thoughts on aging:
I am not LOVING it.
I don't understand some of the things that are happening to me - inside or out.
My new perspective on things is both frightening and liberating.
I am not depressed.
My Mom was right about everything.
and, finally,
I am not going gracefully...
xo
julie
I find I spend a good amount of time just looking in the mirror... thinking "What the hell happened?". Does everyone choose a shirt depending on how it makes my neck look? I never even noticed my neck before, now... boy, you can really see that it's "wiggly". Just sayin.
Sometimes I don't even know where the heck I am... there are so many thoughts going on in my head, I forget where I am. As a default, I am probably in Walmart getting milk for the coffee shop. But, sometimes, I am not sure. This gets even more disturbing when you tell someone and they say, "Oh, Just wait, it gets worse!" Worse???? How?????
Every Monday I have a new and improved game plan. I promise to drink more "juiced" stuff. It is green, my girlfriend from high school makes it and shares it with me. It is the green fountain of youth, I am convinced. I have also convinced myself that I am way healthier after choking it down. And then ther are the probiotics, vitamins, green powder stuff that I mix with water and all the added water... for crying outloud... this is ridiculous. I may sprout something! By Thursday, my willpower has diminished a bit and the french fries from the hotdog stand next door are sounding like a great idea. Boy, I really gave it the old college try. Geez. Well, Monday is coming again.
Then there is that mood thing. I asked the Dr. to adjust my thyroid medicine. He asked why... I told him because I feel like Budda who may just kill someone with my bare hands, that's why... to which he replied, "Maybe you are depressed" "Depressed! I am not depressed".. That discussion went on for 10 minutes longer than it needed to. Just another "Change" right. Yikes.
There are upshots to going older... there is no more guilt in feeling tired. You don't have to wear high heels every time you go out. I don't have people asking me when I amgoing to have babies.... that is nice.
Those are the only ones I can think of as I write this, but I will get back to you because I am sure there are more.
So, in closing, here are my thoughts on aging:
I am not LOVING it.
I don't understand some of the things that are happening to me - inside or out.
My new perspective on things is both frightening and liberating.
I am not depressed.
My Mom was right about everything.
and, finally,
I am not going gracefully...
xo
julie
Friday, March 8, 2013
Friday... What does that actually mean???? Nothing in a family business
Well.. It is Friday. I always make a big deal of it on my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts... but, it doesn't really mean anything to me. I have worked weekends my whole life. I have made peace with that... but as a young woman, I hated it. All my friends partied like rockstars Friday and Saturday night... I did too, but paid the price at work on Saturday or Sunday or Saturday and Sunday.
You see, I came from a Working Family. I always joke, in my family you work for the family, or you get whacked. Of course, that is a joke...
Working in a family business is a double edged sword. If you have ever watched Duck Dynasty, you have a real feeling for how it goes. Don't let anyone fool you... Redneck or not, all family businesses are the same. It is really a game of separating church and state. You work together all day... agreeing, disagreeing, making decisions (often times not the one your Dad would make) and fighting for a new way of doing things.. or at least your way. Then, at the end of the day, you sit down and eat dinner together.
This can start off strained, but by the time you swipe the last piece of the best meatloaf in the world, you have forgotten the days "capers" and get ready to try it again tomorrow.
I own my own business now. My family business is home building and land development.... need I say more?
I started a coffee shop and art gallery (www.juliescoffeeshop.com). I can tell you, now that I am in the driver's seat, I have never had more respect for my Mom and Dad. And, my stepdaughter is here with me working everytime she is with us. I think, unknowingly, I have started my own Family Business?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Respect for your parents is something you are taught when you are very young. You periodically forget when you are sortof young and you embrace when you are the only one who thinks you are young. I know I do. At 48+ I can only feel a portion of the responsibility they must feel to their employees, the pressure of loans hanging over their heads, the fear that the houses we built would not sell and the anguish of some of them not selling for months. Heck, all I worry about are cups of $2.00 coffee and some nights I don't sleep.
So.... the thoughts that are in my head on this Friday are... I don't feel so bad that I work all the time, I must not, because I started my own business that requires me to work all of the time. I am proud to have Amber work with me and I try to teach her everything I know, it is fun to have my stepdaughter with me. I am thankful to have a husband who helps me every time I ask and who forgets how frustrated I can make him during the work day when he sits down to dinner with me at night... and I am grateful that my Mom and Dad taught me the value of a days work and the unconditional love of a family...no matter how rocky the work days can be.
Peace to you all... and keep working hard,
julie
You see, I came from a Working Family. I always joke, in my family you work for the family, or you get whacked. Of course, that is a joke...
Working in a family business is a double edged sword. If you have ever watched Duck Dynasty, you have a real feeling for how it goes. Don't let anyone fool you... Redneck or not, all family businesses are the same. It is really a game of separating church and state. You work together all day... agreeing, disagreeing, making decisions (often times not the one your Dad would make) and fighting for a new way of doing things.. or at least your way. Then, at the end of the day, you sit down and eat dinner together.
This can start off strained, but by the time you swipe the last piece of the best meatloaf in the world, you have forgotten the days "capers" and get ready to try it again tomorrow.
I own my own business now. My family business is home building and land development.... need I say more?
I started a coffee shop and art gallery (www.juliescoffeeshop.com). I can tell you, now that I am in the driver's seat, I have never had more respect for my Mom and Dad. And, my stepdaughter is here with me working everytime she is with us. I think, unknowingly, I have started my own Family Business?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Respect for your parents is something you are taught when you are very young. You periodically forget when you are sortof young and you embrace when you are the only one who thinks you are young. I know I do. At 48+ I can only feel a portion of the responsibility they must feel to their employees, the pressure of loans hanging over their heads, the fear that the houses we built would not sell and the anguish of some of them not selling for months. Heck, all I worry about are cups of $2.00 coffee and some nights I don't sleep.
So.... the thoughts that are in my head on this Friday are... I don't feel so bad that I work all the time, I must not, because I started my own business that requires me to work all of the time. I am proud to have Amber work with me and I try to teach her everything I know, it is fun to have my stepdaughter with me. I am thankful to have a husband who helps me every time I ask and who forgets how frustrated I can make him during the work day when he sits down to dinner with me at night... and I am grateful that my Mom and Dad taught me the value of a days work and the unconditional love of a family...no matter how rocky the work days can be.
Peace to you all... and keep working hard,
julie
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