I think I may have finally grown up

Ahhhhh.... my new life in Colorado is in full swing. That being said, it hasn't been easy.  Adjusting, learning, getting lost, not knowing anyone, starting a new job, not to mention changing your address on every thing!

I seem to be in some sort of a  self learning phase too....yah, that is what I needed.. lol.  I think it is about being somewhere,  for the first time in my life, where I don't feel obligated to ANYONE. I don't have to curtail my feelings, or worry about rocking the boat.  I have to say it feels darn good.  It may have something to do with getting older as well.... I am realizing that I have limits.   I know.... shocker.  And, that I don't want to or need to listen to or be around anyone who makes me unhappy.  Also, disrespect isn't really being welcomed with open arms either.   I have developed pretty clear ideas about people.... I can finally step back and observe instead of being in the center clamoring for some kind of perspective.  Also, this is a big one: I Will Survive. 
Chris and I live in a very very small apartment.  It is teaching us patience and organizational skills above and beyond what we already had.  It also forces you to realize what you really NEED. This is a big one (no pun intended)... we gave away, sold or stored 99% of our worldly belongings.  We are ok with it, although I really miss my Ethan Alan dining room table.... 

And there are questions that I ponder now, like:

Why do our things define us?

Why do people think they are more important than other people, when God made us all?

Why is it so insulting to be taught by and criticized by someone 30 years your junior?

Does having money make you some how better?

Is it really so important to have a big mortgage....on a big house.... and a fancy truck?

I have more time to think now.... I like it.  I am learning what is Important to ME.  ME is an unfamiliar word to me
Most of my life  I have been an Us.  By my own doing, of course... even when I have been alone, I have considered others along with myself in every senario. ...decision or action.

It is a work in progress, and, to be honest it  scary as hell.  I took on alot in one fell swoop.  No baby steps for us.... nope, one giant leap off the cliff.   I feel like this change has been in the works for a long time, yet it happened so fast.  Had there not been so much trouble and drama back home, I don't  believe I would have ever had the guts to leave..... it is hard to admit it, but it is true.  I got a giant push from my friends in the Universe.  For sure.  I am thankful.

So here are the thoughts in my head.... I need to do things I love to do and make a stable and safe life for us here.  Branch out and find some self confidence.... that is a hard one. Learn new things, take my clean slate and fill it with new adventures.  I want to paint more.... develope a new series, officiate at more weddings and meet more artists... I want to write more and keep a journal -both experience and art, I want to sing and play my guitar.... and I want a steady dialog with those who help me be a better me... and I want to help them be better "thems" in return.

I am grateful for this chance to find out who Julie is.  I am not sure she (I) have ever let myself fully be me....without fear of disappointing anyone.   I wonder what I will be like....

Stay tuned....

Xoxo